I Came, I Saw, I Paid an Arm and a Leg

It was 592 degrees and hotter than the surface of the sun. Sea World in August, that is.

We paid a sum of money to get in...a sum that I won't disclose here to protect the innocent. A sum so high that I should have received a golden whale tail necklace and a lifetime supply of Shamu pops. It was expensive enough to cause my darling husband to shreik into the phone, "IT COST HOW MUCH?????!!!!" He really is an understanding man, you know.

So... we pass through the golden gates into a sea of sweaty individuals. As we approached our first line, beads of perspiration began to form on my temples and the nape of my neck. And I DO NOT SWEAT, Y'ALL. An hour later, I look like I'm fresh off a water ride (which woulda been nice since it was 789 degrees. Did I mention how hot it was?) There were lines everywhere. We waited 40 minutes in the broiling sun for Daniel to ride this bounce-you-up-and-down ride only for him to have this PETrified look the entire time. Great, I suffered a near heat stroke to pyschologically damage my child. Wonder when my Mother of the Year application is due?

Then we tried to find a bite to eat. Finding a table in a theme park restaurant is daunting at best. Have you ever tried? I feel so vulcheresque...scanning the room for any sign of completion...a last slurp of a drink or the wadding up of a napkin. It's a science, a trained art if you will. First of all, the eaters avoid all eye contact. They know that we are lurking and they try to keep as low a profile as possible. If the table vulcher senses any movement, they'll lunge forward as if a gun just went off for a 50-meter dash. It's crucial to send your best man (or woman) in to scout a location. Overt actions of desperation will only turn off potential table-giver-uppers. It is the innocent, gee-where-can-we-sit attitude that usually garners some sympathy. This time it was a table of four and the gentle walk-by with a casual glance around the room worked. It's one of my trademark moves.

But, y'all, it wasn't all bad.

Yeah, it was hot. "Straight-from-the-bowels-of-the-molten-earth" kind of hot. But, there were some nice parts, too. There were some shade trees and a nice family who gave us their double stroller. (I swear I saw halos above their heads, I'm not kiddin) There was also the fun, fun, fun roller coaster my sis and I went on while saintly bro-in-law watched the kiddos. And then, there was the Shamu Show. It was spectacular (I'll have to post some pics when I get home) I actually teared up...or maybe it was a stray bead of sweat, who knows? But, in the midst of a 956 degree day (it gets hotter in the late afternoon) it was so nice to see those beautiful creatures leaping out of the water, the thrill on the faces of too-tired children and to sense a wee bit of magic in it all.

Even if it did cost our life savings, it was worth it for that moment.