Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Hello Insomnia, My Name is Katie

OK, am I preparing for the sleepless nights that accompany the arrival of an infant? I'm supposed to be soaking up every last ounce of a full night's sleep that I can. But, noooo-sir-ee, here I am at 1:45 in the a.m. wide awake.

My husband is nestled all safe in his bed while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. And my son? Fast asleep for hours and hours now.

So, what does one do when one has complete silence and a house "to herself?" Catch up on Tivo'd shows? Give herself a pedi while polishing off a bowl fo American Idol Birthday Cake ice cream? (yes, it was an impulse buy if ever there were one) Oh no...the self-proclaimed freak in me decided to go down and "clean out" what will become our Guest Quarters in the basement. (In case you're wondering, I capitalized Guest Quarters to make it seem more appealing than "The Room You Stick Comp'ny In Down in the Basement")

As usual, I digress.

The BOXES upon BOXES of S-T-U-F-F pouring out of the closet in the soon-to-be "G.Q." was appalling. You know the closet I labeled as the place where I dumped all the things we don't have a place for? Well, folks...it's because this one was already taken. FULL. No Vacancy for the potpourri of items that we don't have a place for but don't wanna toss.

So, I started digging. I can't possibly describe the vast array of things I discovered. But, to give you just a hint of what I uncovered....here's a sampling from one of the boxes:

  • 3 spools of thread
  • 2 extension cords
  • 1 DVD movie of our first visits with Daniel --for which I have been searching for forty forevers!!
  • an iron frog paperweight
  • 4 pairs of scrapbooking scissors
  • an anniversary card I gave Keith in 1999
  • Box o' Shout Wipes
  • Fifty-leven pens and markers
  • fabric from when my sister-in-law Tonia and I were going to be all craftsy-like and make those dry mixes in a Bell jar for Christmas gifts...oh yes, those were the days.
  • My Christmas Card list from 2002
  • and....a stick of gum

    Y'all, I simply cannot deal with such matters. I want desperately to have a place for everything and this concoction of loose items was about more than this stressed-out-woman could handle. I made pile after pile and left it as a "to be continued" project. You know, because sorting and tossing and putting that many diverse things away in one night can wreak havoc on a frazzled Mom's already fragile psyche.
  • So, I brought the DVD of Daniel's first days upstairs and popped it in. Oh my goodness gracious...look how small he was. The video footage of our time in the orpahange brought tears to my eyes. (Yes, I know...you're thinking "Katie? Cry? No way!")

    Yes way.

    After sobbing for the duration of his video, I got up and climbed the stairs to Daniel's room. There he was, outside the covers acting like he has even an ounce of meat on his bones to keep him warm, (which he does not) and sleeping peacefully.

    Daniel, if you're reading this years from now I want you to know something. The love I feel in my heart for you overwhelms me at times. Watching you just now, I had the urge to protect you from anything that might make you sad or hurt you in the future. I wanted to wake you up and talk about Transformers and all the things that make you tick right now. I wanted to hold you and tell you what a difference you've made in my life.

    I also wanted to reassure you that, even though there will soon be another child in our hearts, he could never replace or dim the feelings I have for you. You are our "first born." You are the reason my heart knows the true meaning of unconditional love. You are my son... and I couldn't love you more.

    4 comments:

    MelDrop said...

    man, i'm so glad to know i'm not the only one with boxes like that in their basements! i have seriously considered just throwing the boxes away and not even looking through them, because having to organize all that stuff just stresses me out! which gives me an idea, once you're finished organizing all your stuff, wanna start coming to my house at 2am and spend some time in my basement?! :-)

    And man, what a great couple of paragraphs to daniel. katie, you're going to be an awesome mom of 2 and i'm sure daniel will never doubt your love for him.

    Megan (FriedOkra) said...

    Wait... okay wait... I have to stop sobbing.
    .
    .
    .
    .

    Alright. Now.

    That was beautiful and sweet. And you sound exactly like any Mom I've ever had a heart to heart with a few weeks before her second baby was due. So. Normal! And yes, I do think insomnia is preparation for newbornhood. I had it for weeks.

    Also. The stuff in the closets. TOSS IT. (Except the video, of course!) You aren't going to have time, patience or desire to deal with it for YEARS. By the time you've got Baby Brother raised up to 3 year-old-hood and have time again for your own interests, they'll be all different anyway.

    I'm praying for y'all. Breathlessly.

    M

    Cindy said...

    Perfect post.

    Nicki said...

    Guaranteed--you will love your second child just as much and just the same! The contents of that box sounds like a junk drawer emptied before moving. Good luck with the G.Q.--and get some sleep woman!