Sunday, November 11, 2007

I'm Building It Anyway...

I have been on a hiatus of sorts. I apologize for my unexcused absence...but I couldn't quite put into words what has been going on. I somehow found the words when I heard a song on the way home from church today.

We got it... THE CALL. Those of you who have checked in here over the past couple years know that we have been trying to adopt...waiting to be chosen by a birthmother...praying, wishing....dreaming of opening our hearts and home to another child.

Then it happened. The phone rang and the caller I.D. displayed the name of our adoption agency. My heart lept into my throat and I answered-- cautiously optimistic that this could be the call we had waited so long to receive.

It was.

"You have been selected..."

The words still ring in my ears.

My heart started beating furiously as the details unfolded. The birthmother is due at the end of November (Yep. In a matter of WEEKS, y'all...) and.............. it's a BOY.

Tears poured down my cheeks and I listened intently. We are scheduled to meet with the birthparents next week and then it will be a matter of waiting for the birth and for the waiting period (14 days) to make sure they don't change their mind after the baby is born. Frankly, that scares me to death. But, I firmly believe if this is the child that God has chosen for our family...it will work out. But, it's still a narrow tightrope of emotions that I have walked since we got the call.

Which leads me to the song.

Our friends and family have displayed a range of reactions to our news. All are thrilled beyond belief but, of course, many are worried that we might have our hearts broken if it falls through. I was leaning on the side of guarding my heart as well. Fearful of buying anything or getting the nursery ready. What if everything is in place and she changes her mind? I feared my heart might never recover.

Until this afternoon. Martina McBride's new song, "Anyway" came on the radio as I was driving. The lyrics spoke to me more than I can explain:

"You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come
And blow it all away

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not
Ever come your way

Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out
Like I think it should

But I do it anyway.........."

****************************
I broke into sobs as I realized that this is the only chance I may ever have to experience a true "pregnancy." We adopted our first son at age 2 and it was wonderful in an entirely different way. This time will be unique in that we will be learning about formula and feeding and crib assembly. If I DON'T prepare now then I will be missing out on the joy of anticipation...the excitement of folding little bity footed pajama-thingies and marveling at the size of itty bitty clothes.

Yes, she could change her mind. But I want to be prepared in case she doesn't. I want to dream anyway...I want to love anyway... I want to decorate and fold baby blankets and "nest" anyway....

I can't believe it finally could be happening... I hope you'll come along on this journey with me.

:-), Katie

11 comments:

MelDrop said...

oh katie, i can't put into words how excited i am for you guys! as i sit and read your blog, so many memories and feelings pour back in from when we got the call about jackson. i went through the EXACT same thing and for me, i just had to place it in God's hands and move forward in faith knowing He had it all worked out for us. i am so glad that i was able to experience my short-tirm pregnancy and i can't wait to share in your 1 month pregnancy. dream it anyway girl. have faith and know that God IS in control. enjoy it...every single minute. i love you!

Megan (FriedOkra) said...

Excuse me while I happily, tearfully hyperventilate on your behalf! OH MY GRANNY I am so happy and excited for you. And, darn skippy, you dream/build/wish it anyway. I love that song, too and I think it applies beautifully in this case. I am on the journey, ma'am, right there with y'all, hanging on your every word. Hugs hugs hugs - M

Beth said...

I am new to this blog. (This is only my second comment here.) I think I found you through Megan at Fried Okra. Anyway...Wow!!! What an exciting time for your fmaily! Congratulations!

I love that song and I agree with it. Do it all ANYWAY! Have fun with the little clothes, getting the nursery ready, mumbling and fumbling while you put the crib together,buying all the parenting books that go with an infant...all that stuff!

I wish you the best and I will continue to check back here to see how it all goes!

Anonymous said...

Katie,

I am SOOO excited for you and Keith. I will be praying for you and your family that you will get your precious baby boy.

Aimee

Girl Gone Wild - BibleStyle said...

KATIE!!!! Absolutely, you should dream it and do it! This is so exciting....Allow yourself to feel all the emotions God's given you. I can't wait to hear every step of this wonderful time in ya'll life...

Cindy said...

OH, Katie! I'm so thrilled for you!! I'm CRYING for you!! Can't wait to hear... I'm believing for you that this little guy is yours.

Honey+2B's said...

Katie,
First I'd like to thank you for your comment! I will let you know if I have any questions, did you edit some of the HTML/XML code? I am starting to smell the burnt cells in my brain just thinking about having to figure that out! I have done HTML before, it is not terribly hard, but it can get overwhelming.
Secondly, I was very touched by your post, I believe that we can get little messages from God in many ways, I think that song was His message to you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and I agree that you should enjoy this momment in your life, good luck with everything and I will check back to find out how it all goes :)

Shannon B. said...

Katie,

You know we are excited for you and Keith and Daniel. I agree with a previous poster that God sends his messages incognito sometimes and that song was it! Love that song!
I am tickled that I will get to share this with you, my sister-in-law, you with your new son and me and Jay and the boys with our new daughter. You know we will have so much to talk about, need any advice, just call, I'm sure I will be awake throughout the night with feedings. The holidays have gotten that much more exciting all the sudden.
However I am jealous that you can still bend over and tie your own shoes at this point and don't need help getting up out of bed.
We will be praying for you and put you on our prayer list at church, I think you should enjoy every moment of this, as we want to enjoy it right along with you.

Nicki said...

I am so happy for you and your family. A baby is such a blessing. Reading this post gave me goosebumps up my entire body. I know the song and agree that it is very appropriate for this time in your life. What a beautiful song and a beautiful time in your life. I wish you all my best.

Roses Are Red, Violets are Violet said...

Roses Are Red, Violets are Violet said...
What sweet, sweet comments! It thrills me to hear everyone else be excited as we are...

I keep telling myself that it's OK if it falls through...but, of course, we'll be heartbroken. The hope I hold fast to is that God will take care of us either way!

I'll keep you all posted in this hectic, 4 week gestation period of mine. Yikes! :-)

Melissa said...

Sweet Katie Momma,
SO SO SO big full of happiness for you and your guys! We will certainly keep you, and the birth parents and the baby and God's Perfect Will in our prayers. I know you can handle it if the "unthinkable" does happen, but we're praying it doesn't go that way.
Lots of love!