November 19 was a day that changed my life forever. That was the day that I met the birthmother of my future child. I was nervous that we wouldn't be what she expected and she'd immediately change her mind.
That didn't happen.
Instead, I met someone with whom I now have an explainable bond. And, as a gesture that had to be unbelieveably difficult on her part, I received a Mother's Day card from her this year. I feel so guilty that I did not return the favor-- but I was completely unaware of how that particular day might be affecting her. I could only imagine how painful it must have been and I certainly didn't want to bring attention to her loss.
But the card I received from her? Ya'll. It brought me to tears. I sat in my driveway sobbing huge crocodile tears. One part read, "I have been so sad since J's birth. I miss him so much but I know in my heart that you and Keith are the best thing I could have ever given him. I wish I could hug you and thank you in person...thank you for being such a wonderful Mom."
Lawdy mercy.
She also included some lyrics to a song that played at a birthmother's celebration she attended. It's a song titled, "Everything to Me" by Mark Schultz. Part of the lyrics that really got me were... "But you had dreams for me, you wanted the best for me, and you made the only choice you could that night. You gave life to me, a brand new world to see, like playing baseball in the yard with Dad at night, Mom reading Goodnight Moon and praying in my room..."
Lawdy lawdy mercy.
It was a very special Mother's Day surprise. I always thought (when considering adoption) that I would never desire to have a relationship with my child's birthmother. But, instead, I have this strange maternal feeling of wanting to protect her...to make sure she's OK. I love her in every sense of the word. Because of her selflessness, I have one of the two greatest gifts I've ever been blessed with. I am forever grateful to her for her decision.
A blogging buddy of mine, Anna, recently received her own special birthmother tribute. And guess what? It brought tears to my eyes, too. You're shocked, huh?
6 comments:
Oh, what sweet stories...
I was thinking about her just the other day. Thinking about my own baby and knowing (and yet, not knowing) how difficult it must have been for her to go through the 9 months of bonding, and then to let J go. To let him come to you to grow to become the man that God intends for him to be. Selflessness? Is there a bigger, more powerful word for that?
She's an incredible woman.
I'm moved to tears over the card you received - it's incredibly meaningful to have a handwritten sentiment, isn't it? I'm so thankful that she was led to do that for you on your first Mother's Day with J.
That made me cry, too. I hope her sadness will diminish over time. How selfless of her to reach out from her own pain to celebrate the day with you, by sending you a heartfelt card.
This is so tender and precious; thank you for sharing! I've had several friends who have adopted, and another in our family who has contemplated placing her son for adoption, so adoption has a special place in my heart. The miracle of it is absolutely amazing to me. I'm not sure where/how I came across this recently, but there is actually something called Birthmother's Day, started by a group of birthmothers to honor and remember them. It's not an official holiday, but it's marked as the Saturday before Mother's Day. There might be some special cards that you can get specifically for it on the internet...here's a link with more info. Again, thanks for sharing!
http://adoption.about.com/od/birthfirstmothers/a/birthmomdayprop.htm
That is so wonderful. And that song...it means a LOT to several of my friends who have been affected by adoption. It's wonderful...what a blessing!
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