Saturday, May 17, 2014

No Rest for the Weary

Somewhere in a dimly lit office with dark wood paneling and the wrenching smell of cigar smoke is a short, plump, bald man sitting behind a desk twice as big as it needs to be. He is chuckling and wringing his hands in delight at his latest conquest. He is the CEO of Insomina, Inc. and is thrilled to have me as his newest customer.

My slumbering opportunity was chock full of promise as I agreed to a playroom sleepover to watch a movie with my eldest spawn. Drifting in and out of consciousness, I felt the weightiness of eyelids befall me and I soon gave way to a much-needed sleep coma.

That is until 3:00am when the aforementioned eldest spawn comes barreling into the playroom to rouse me.

"Mom! WHAT is that beeping?! I can't SLEEP with that BEEPING." It was only then that I heard the chirp of the smoke detector battery in the upstairs hall. "Make it stop," he pleaded. In a half-asleep, groggy state I climbed upon my desk chair and twisted the face off the device.

"CHIRP!," it shrieked, taunting me.

I squinted to read the warning underneath the little electrical wires now flowing forth from the hole in the ceiling. "To change battery, remove AC unit cap to access battery door." Then, just underneath:  "CAUTION: LIVE ELECTRICITY IS FLOWING INTO THIS UNIT."  Let me get this straight? You tell me to remove the cap off the wires which have LIVE ELECTRICITY running through them knowing this will surely electrocute me or, even worse, cause me to never have another good hair day as long as I live. No thankyouverymuch.

"Where's your Dad?," I grumble.

"Oh he's downstairs asleep. I didn't want to wake him."


I told him it would just have to wait until morning and to go climb in the bed with his Dad and brother. I go back into the playroom, shut the door to minimize beepage, crawl back under the covers only to hear a loud CHIRP!!! Only this's coming from above my bed.

Seriously? There are now dueling beeps and my slumber outlook is now slightly less than promising. I grab my pillow and drag myself into the guest room. I would rather hear a faint dueling Beep Fest than try to squeeze in the bed with three other people (including one that kicks and one that sleeps horizontally). I close the door, pull back the covers and crawl in. I then turn on some music to drown out any unwelcome distractions and eventually drift off to a peaceful...........


What?! This can't be. The detector in the guest room has joined the chorus and now I am privy to a symphony of high-pitched squeals. I begin to count the time in between the beeps much like a young child does between thunder and lightning to see if a storm is getting closer. As the sun rises, I am lying there wide-eyed listening to my music and my oh-so-enchanting smoke detector ensemble. Just then, the sun shifts and begins pouring in the window directly into my eyes. In a last desperate attempt, I pull the covers over my head before hearing the familiar patter of 6-year old footsteps sprinting up the stairs.

NOOOOOooooooooo. Not morning tickle time yet! I need sleep! I must have sleep.

"TICKLEEEEE TIME!!!!!," my youngest bellows as he leaps on top of my now limp-from-exhaustion frame.

I am out of ammunition. I have no choice but to cave and do what I do best in situations like these: TICKLE!!!!!!!!!

So much for sleep. Maybe I'll have better luck with a nap later.......


Warning:  Bad Hair Days Ahead
Formidable Tickle Fight Opponent


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Best part of Insomina, Inc. is the frequent flyer miles. Just wish they had a catalog like sky mall.