There is a sure sign that my hubby is not here: there is toilet paper on the rolls and they are all going in the correct direction (over the top-- thankyouverymuch).
Seriously, the transition "up north" began on Saturday when a truck pulling a U-Haul trailer pulled out of our driveway. D. and I waved goodbye and I wiped away a tear before turning to go inside. Sure, he's been on business trips plenty of times--as have I--but this time it felt different. And yes, he'll even be home on the weekends until we're all together...but it still felt different.
Even now. As I sit here at my computer in the wee hours of the morning, I can usually hear his soft breathing as he sleeps. But tonight, it's quiet. Very quiet. Deafening, almost. There'll be too much room in that bed when I crawl under the covers shortly and when I wake in the morning I won't hear his razor humming or receive my requisite good morning kiss on the forehead. I'm really quite sad.
One of the hardest parts is simply having him as a back-up if needed. From brushing D.'s hair while I change J.'s diaper to helping in the kitchen or even taking out the trash... it's different without that "safety net". I likened getting ready for church this morning to one of those performers who tries to keep plates or basketballs spinning all at the same time. J. would start crying so I'd run over and retrieve his dropped pacifier just as D. was asking for help with his pants. As I run into D.'s room to help him with pants, the phone would ring and, as I answered the phone, J. would start screaming again...and the iron was beeping that it was ready...and D. couldn't find a shoe...and...and...and... it really was quite comical. And, truthfully, I missed having adult conversation as we got ready as much as I missed the extra set of hands. (disclaimer: I know many women may go through this even when their hubby IS at home...I'm extremely blessed to have a hubby that helps out as much as he does. He is a TERRIFIC husband. I guess that's why it's that much harder when he's gone.)
Although I am saddened to be leaving our home here so quickly, the feeling I have here alone tonight reassures me that we're making the right decision.
I miss my hubby and will be counting the hours until Friday.