Friday, February 12, 2010

Yeah Because My Mornings Always Start with Dead Rodents and Rockstars

If there is one thing about me that I can say without hesitation...my life is rarely boring. Take this morning for instance.

Because I had a sinus headache and my child had already gone to bed and it would have been way too prepared of us to do it any sooner, the finalization of Daniel's class Valentines were put off until this morning. Why it is physically impossible for me to buy those little fold-over ones with the little tabs you seal them with is beyond me. It is like a sickness. I flat out refuse to buy them because it goes against every creative bone in my body to do so. I do not frown upon those that do; in fact, I envy those who pick up those boxes and toss them in the cart and don't waste precious hours of their life snipping and coloring and....oh forget it. I am just a freak. A freak that digresses. Where was I? Oh yes, the Valentines.

So we're finishing the Valentines the morning of. My eldest is clad in his pajamas signing said Valentines and my youngest is wearing a diaper that is hanging down halfway to the ground. Clutching his sippy cup he starts to yell..."BUGGGGGGGG!!!!" I look around for a fly or bee or any type of bug as he screams again. "MOMMMMMAAAA...BUGGGGGGG!!!!!" I am up to my eyeballs in construction paper and my left hand is fused together with spray glue and I am searching around for a bug so Jacob will stop screaming. Then Daniel comes flying into my office..."Moooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm...it's......it's.......a RAT!!!!!!!!!!!"

What????

I go into the living room and sure as the dickens there is a mouse in the middle of the floor being tossed about by our dog and cat. They are screaming, the school bus is due in 20 minutes and I have a breakfast meeting in downtown Nashville for which I have neither showered nor dressed. I scream on the inside as I scoop up the rodent and dispose of him, decide we're car riders today, quickly finish the Valentine's, find socks for Daniel, dress Jacob, shower, get dressed and rush out the door to take both boys to school.

Both boys deposited, I head up into town.

Now, folks I may be hip in my heart but by looking at me toodling around town in my HotMamaMobile, I disguise it well. After having 30 minutes to regroup and try to transition from crafty-diaper-changing-rodent-disposing-Momma to professional event planner, I pull up to the Loew's Vanderbilt Plaza hotel. In my minvan. A minivan that is dirty and filled with crushed pretzels and car seats and half a dozen baby items returned to me in 2006 I think.

I hop out and tell the bellman I am running in to pick someone up and he directs me to a familiar-looking gentleman with a guitar case. The guy says, "are you here to pick us up?" After he sees my quizzical look he says, "The Peas? You're here to pick up The Black Eyed Peas?"

I started laughing and said, "oh. noooooo. Not picking up The Peas. But I said, "If you need a lift somewhere....?" and he laughed. It turns out the rock group The Black Eyed Peas were staying there and waiting on a ride over to the arena to rehearse for tonight's show and they thought I was it. Me in my filthy, carseat-filled minivan. I couldn't help but chuckle as I thought about chatting it up with Fergie as she hopped in the front "hey Ferg...just move that Capri Sun packet and hand me last week's mail...oh and that broken CD...it's not one of yours is it?" Afterwards, I did regret not saying "sure folks! Hop in! Where we going?"

Oh well. Hindsight is always 20/20, huh?

4 comments:

MiaKatia said...

Totally jealous!!! Of the Peas, not the rat. How cool. :)

Sincerely Anna said...

Now that is a day you had to blog about. Nope, not boring at all!

Megan (FriedOkra) said...

LOL. Just move that Capri Sun packet and hand me last week's mail. You kill me.

Hey good thing you have the kids and the pets to alert you to rodents, right! Hee hee.

M

Anonymous said...

hotmama.u.are

love you,

P