Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Secret Service Agents, Cheese Samples on Pretzel Sticks and a Scary Twinkie Cowboy

All I wanted was a roast, people. Really.

Our new grocery store, Kroger, opened today. The sign out front read "Grand Opening." Hmmm, the inner bargain shopper in me immediately thought "deals"...so off I go. There are some discounts that are just not worth it, folks.

First of all, this is no normal grocery store. This was a department store/shopping mall that happened to have some canned goods and frozen items. As I passed through the front doors, I was pelted with a flurry of "WELCOME!!!'s" and was handed a stack of flyers, entry forms, sales ads.

Wow.

Juggling my paperwork, I grabbed a shopping cart and proceeded among the stream of shoppers who were, like me, trying to find their way into the store. At every turn, there was a sample station which clogged the aisles--making it nearly impossible to pass. I'm sorry, but I do not have it in me to wait in line for a thumb-sized morsel of Sara Lee pound cake but apparently I am alone in that thought.

There was the world's largest Chiquita Banana display (I kid you not, it was printed in one of the flyers), the bed and bath department, and the picket-fenced in area near the greeting cards with adirondack chairs and a double-decker fountain. A fountain?

What intrigued me the most was the enormous amount of FBI/Secret Service-looking corporate employees...all clad in crisp black suits and wearing walkie-talkie-earpieces as if guarding the life of the President himself.

"Aisle 4B. Roger that." Roger that? What in the world is happening in Aisle 4B? Did a jar of pickle relish break or is a peace treaty being signed?

It's anyone's guess.

Every single check-out lane was open with perky cashiers chirping happy thoughts and wishes and inquiring about my experience. As anyone who has known me for 5 minutes is aware, I am ALL about some customer service. But even this was over-the-top for me.

I am just waiting for the time when I can come in, try to find a buggy that does not have a leftover drink cup in it, find my way to the meats without exchanging pleasantries with a costumed character and then wait in line for the cashier in the only lane that is open.

That's when it will really feel like a true trip to the grocery store should.

That is, after I sit for a spell next to the fountain reading magazines.

1 comment:

MiaKatia said...

That place was insane!! I told my hubby that while it was uh-mazing that I personally wouldn't be shopping there. It was too big and too crowded and the traffic was a nightmare. But I am sure when the novelty wears off it will be just like any other grocery store. Sorry we didn't get together last week. I totally lamed out! Blech me :(