I have been pouting.
And, no, I am not in third grade.
I am a grown woman who should know by now how to handle life's little disappointments. But this househunting thing...well, I'm just plain tired y'all. Tired of living on our local real estate web site. Tired of scanning through neighborhoods for signs (not so easy to do in an election year, I might add) and tired of getting my hopes up only to have them dashed a short while later.
You see, we'd found the house of our dreams. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted a little bit of land. Not a blue bazillion acres, just enough to let our children and our Golden Retriever run! We found this place on the top of a hillside a couple minutes from D.'s school. The house had real possibility and it's perch on the hilltop at sunrise and sunset was a sight to behold. It included 15 acres, a horse barn with an apartment inside...the works. It was also a foreclosure so the price was in our range. It was too good to be true but we put in a bid.
And we waited.
And we regaled our friends and family with stories of what we had planned to do when (Keith's line) or IF (my line) we won the house. Then we got the dreaded email. We had matched the highest offer and since ours was in first, we would have won. Except that we have a lease to get out of and the other couple didn't. So, instead, our offer came back with one word: REJECTED.
Not one for subtleties, are they?
And I was sad. But got over it. That was until I had to drive past it to go to a function at the school yesterday afternoon and, as we approached the driveway where we'd spent so much time planning and dreaming, I spotted a BMW and a minivan toodling down the long winding drive. The driver of the first car was laughing as she swung her hair back and forth...obvisouly giddy about her new home.
Blech. Double blech. It was a rotten feeling, I tell ya.
But how many times have I wanted something terribly only to discover God's much-better plan for me down the road? Have I not learned that the desires of my heart are just that? I have been dejected many a time only to discover that what God had in store was immeasurably more glorious?
Take my children, for instance. We tried for eight LONGGGGGGG years to get pregnant but to no avail. Now, as I joke with my almost-seven year old and cuddle my eight-month old as he's drifting off to sleep, I cannot fathom my life without them. Parenthood did not come easy for us and I now look back on the path that brought us here and would not change a thing.
Sure, back in the darker times when I had almost given up hope of becoming a mother, I wish I would have been given a sneek peek at our life today. But if I had, the trials and challenges and, yes, disappointments probably wouldn't have taught me the valuable lessons I learned.
And so with that, I am changing my tune on this house thing. Yep, we need to find a house. And I fully believe that God will provide the perfect one for our needs. He knows my heart better than I do and He also knows the Big Picture. It will happen. Perhaps not on my schedule , but it will happen.
So, instead of worrying and fretting and letting the little disappointments get the best of me, I am vowing to relax and enjoy watching this next chapter of our lives unfold.